Add a little bit of me back into the bowl, just a splash. Good, now mix me up again. Spread my body all around so I suck up that warmth. Yes, I want to just suck it right up. Just like that. Yes.See me turn smooth? Now slowly pour the rest of me from the cup. Even slower. Like you’re drizzling sweet, sweet honey through a tiny nozzle. The stream has to be thin for me to get thicker. I’m saying, tease me:—yes, I want you to tease me with myself.
Yes, please. Break me right open. Split my hard, fragile shell so I can spill my liquid center. Mmhm. Just like that.
“Sauces are distillations of desire.”
—Harold McGee
Now add a little squirt of mustard and whisk me up. Yes, that’s right, mustard. Don’t think about it too much. Just whip me. Whip me hard and pour that oil over me slowly. So slowly. Just a drop to start.
Wait, wait, stop! You’re pouring it too quickly.
Hey! I said STOP!
You need to listen to me, pay closer attention. When I say slow, you need to go slow. Okay? I mean it.
Okay. Put me into something clean. We’ll try to start again.
You want to know what…help I like? If there are any tricks? Mmmm, yes, ask me plainly. I like that.
Let’s try this: before you start, get my bowl nice & hot. Just fill it up with hot water until the whole bowl warms, then empty it out. Emptiness is the other side of full-to-burstingness, you know. Picture that other side: to bursting. Hold it in your brain. To bursting.
No, don’t bother with a towel. I like it wet.
Add a little bit of me back into the bowl, just a splash. Good, now mix me up again. Spread my body all around so I suck up that warmth. Yes, I want to just suck it right up. Just like that. Yes.
See me turn smooth? Now slowly pour the rest of me from the cup. Even slower. Like you’re drizzling sweet, sweet honey through a tiny nozzle. The stream has to be thin for me to get thicker. I’m saying, tease me:—yes, I want you to tease me with myself.
Keep whipping as you pour so slowly. Don’t stop whipping, not until I tell you to stop.
Okay, okay switch back to the oil. It might be good to put it in a measuring cup this time, though, something with a spout. Something that lets you stream, because I still need you to pour slowly. Can you do that for me? Pour slow, whip fast. Yes, just like that.
Oh my god, yes! More, more! Keep pouring, keep whipping. You see me getting bigger? Changing color? You like when I get thick like this? Yeah?
Mmm, keep going. Let me just slurp that oil up. You can pour a little faster now if you want. I want to fill myself with it ’til I can’t hold anymore. I want to be brought right to the edge of what I can hold. Right to the fucking edge, almost falling off. And if I start looking too thick and the oil starts pooling, just add another little splash of something wet. Whatever you want, okay? I don’t care, as long as it’s got water.
Yes, yes. You’re almost there, you’re so close, keep going don’t stop. Please, please, yes, don’t stop, don’t stop. Keep going. Faster, faster. Whip me harder. Yes, just like that. Tire yourself out in me.
You got it, you got it, oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my—!!!
———MMMMHMMMMMMMMM.
Fuck. You did it. I feel so smooth, so light. So…so creamy.
Oh, you want to taste me? Please, you’ve earned it. Go ahead. Lick your finger.
You’ll probably want to add some salt.
Benjamin DuBow –
Benjamin DuBow is a writer, farmer, and sometimes itinerant chef. They hold a BA in English from Columbia University and an MFA in Creative Writing & Environment from Iowa State University, and have published work in *Longreads,
Diagram, The Hopper, *and others. Benjamin is currently living in Southern New England, working on a novel and taking a winter-break from farming on ancestral Mohican lands.
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