Welcome to Cafe Mama, where the food is always lukewarm, the portions are either too large or too small, and meals are served on sticky plates shaped like panda bear heads.
Dining at Cafe Mama is sure to leave you feeling both hungry and bloated. Prepared by our executive chef/owner/maitre’d/server/busboy/dishwasher, we offer a deconstructed approach to casual dining. Embrace our relaxed dress code and feast in your most tattered pajamas.
Served in a bright, noisy kitchen that also doubles as a playroom, Cafe Mama is the perfect place to lose your train of thought, get a headache, and have a continuously interrupted conversation with your mother.
Enjoy a rousing soundtrack of children fighting, Taylor Swift, and a science podcast about poop, as you indulge in our seasonal menu of store-to-table fare.
Partial Parfait
Three-quarters of a container of low fat peach yogurt abandoned by your daughter after three bites, along with blueberries she has deemed too sour.
Muddy Cakes
Chocolate chip pancakes mangled by your son, who is learning to cut and has used the wrong side of a butter knife.
Hustled Hog
A single slice of bacon you hide under a paper towel and eat when no one is looking.
You Know You Knead Me
One quarter of a defrosted, re-toasted bialy, dry and petrified as a fossil.
Lost and Found Medium Roast
French press coffee served in a travel mug so that when you lose it, the coffee will still be warm when you find it again.
Margherita, Interrupted
A slice of congealed room temperature pizza, nibbled at the tip.
Yams in Black
Sweet potato wedges too charred to serve to your children.
Noodle Knots
Leftover rice noodles tangled in a clump on the side of the pot like a barnacle.
Incorrigible Burger
The remains of veggie burgers you’ve prepared from scratch after your kids declare they want “something else.”
Sunny Side Out
Half a boiled egg with the yolk missing.
Fridge-Clean Out Salad
Forgotten chickpeas, wizened carrots, pebbles of hardened pearl couscous served over shriveled arugula.
First Generation Curry
You and your kids both know your version isn’t as good as your mother’s.
Big Brother Branzino
A whole fish cooked by your husband on a rare Saturday night when he isn’t traveling, one fish eye staring up at you from the plate, reminding you not to start a fight and ruin a perfectly nice meal.
Mama’s Medicine
French fries and red wine.
Stars Hollow Special
Half a bag of popcorn, eaten over the kitchen counter while rewatching “Gilmore Girls” on your phone.
Wicked Wafers
Oreo shells with the cream scraped out.
Stranded Citrus
A shard of lemon cake with the icing licked off.
Sundae Scaries
Half melted strawberry ice cream with rainbow sprinkles floating at the bottom of the cup like koi fish.
Out of the Limelight
Seltzer over ice with a slice of lime, because it almost feels like a cocktail.
Low-Hanging Fruit
Wine served in a chipped mug because you don’t have the energy to climb on a stepstool and get the pretty glass from the high shelf.
A Pot of Freshly Steeped Mint Tea You Drink at the Kitchen Table after Your Kids Are Asleep
As you sip, open the weight loss app on your phone. Try to log everything you put in your mouth all day, every scrap of food you didn’t waste, like your immigrant parents taught you. Watch the calories add up. Feel a twist of regret.
In the silence, your stomach grumbles.
Make a promise to do better in the morning, which will begin when one of your three alarms goes off, or when your daughter decides she’s hungry.
If you were wearing a chef’s hat and an apron, you would remove them. Instead, you wipe your hands on your stained sweatpants and turn out the lights.
Until tomorrow, Cafe Mama.
Sumitra Mattai is a New York City-based writer, textile designer and mother of two. She holds a BFA in Textile Design from the Rhode Island School of Design and an MFA in Creative Writing from The New School. Her essays on family, food and culture have been published widely. To learn more, please visit her website, www.sumitramattai.com, check out her Instagram @sumitramattai, or subscribe to her newsletter, “Clothbound,” highlighting textiles in art, design and everyday life.
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