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by Nico Rosario

After an eight-year stint as the Executive Pastry Chef at Le Bernardin, a Michelin Guide 3-star restaurant that was recently named “Best Restaurant in New York” for the 12th year in a row by Zagat, Michael Laiskonis became The Institute of Culinary Education’s (ICE) inaugural Creative Director in March 2012. After meeting at the “Is Food Art” panel discussion, organized by the Food Studies Program at The New School, I caught up with Michael over email to chat about life after working in the multi-starred restaurant world, the act of cooking, and being a “hustler in the nostalgia business.”

Nico Rosario: The most obvious question would be: How much do you miss working at Le Bernardin? Not only being in that particular kitchen, but the every day routine; the pageantry of service; the feeling of relevance, staying “in touch?” (That last caveat might not apply, due to your current appointment at ICE, which I presume keeps you on your toes!)

Michael Laiskonis: I do miss certain aspects of daily life in the kitchen. After twenty years, the cooking business becomes a way of life, a subculture, and a lens through which one views the world. My role now, while perhaps more difficult to define, requires a certain discipline, but a different one than working 70-80 hours a week in a kitchen. What I enjoy most is that no two days are exactly alike. As Creative Director at ICE, a lot of what I do is behind-the-scenes. I also interact regularly with the career program students and conduct classes for professionals and amateurs. This position was created to allow for a fair amount of outside work as well, projects like ongoing restaurant collaborations, small-scale consulting, corporate advisory sessions, and my own personal research and writing.

One of the primary forces that pushed me out of the full-time kitchen was the desire to replace some of the routine with more time to pursue and realize ideas both creative and commercial. My lifelong goal was to reach the height of a Michelin three-star kitchen, but once there I began to realize I hadn’t set any goals for myself beyond that. With my current list of side projects and my affiliation with ICE I have more time and space to think and at the same time attempt to give something back to the pastry and chef community at large. I still spend quite a lot of time in kitchens, so I do get my occasional fix of restaurant service.  The quieter moments of just putting my head down and working – that was what got me into this thing in the first place, so I never want to lose that simple satisfaction! Relevance is a fringe benefit, but I resist that becoming motivation in and of itself.

NR: As someone who spent a decade working in restaurants (but almost exclusively front of the house) I can’t fathom what would make one want to be in a commercial kitchen for 12-16 hours a day. However, as a personal chef for several years, I felt like I could do that work forever, happily, for free. As I read your piece, I thought to myself: what is it about the act of preparing food – either for yourself, your family, or total strangers – that shifts the way we think about that work? Is there an innate contentment about creating sustenance that overrides the challenges of cooking and the inherent lifestyle attached to someone at that culinary level?

ML: I definitely think of cooking professionally and cooking at home for family and friends as two entirely different animals. For years, I would come home after 12 hours of restaurant work and make dinner for my wife and I. It was partly a function of my wife also being in the industry and maintaining a ritual, even if the dinner hour was 1:00am. But even though I may have been physically exhausted at the end of the day, the act of cooking dinner just for the two of us was very different. I’ve never really been able to put my finger on it, but I almost see home cooking as therapeutic, at least for me. Perhaps because so much of restaurant work, especially service, involves cooking for an anonymous slip of paper – a ticket – rather than for someone that you can connect to. For me, too, it’s the difference between spending my professional day in the realm of pastry, and then being able to come home and switch things up with a savory meal. In fact, I very rarely bake or make pastry at home. Maybe there is a subtle unconscious divide that I’ve constructed. 

NR: Related to lifestyle, how have you adapted to being out of the kitchen? Do you actually have nights and weekends to yourself now?

ML: I can’t lie, I do enjoy that little bit of extra time during the day to do things like read books without pictures! On the whole, it is nice to rejoin ‘normal’ life and ‘normal’ hours, but some aspects of the cooking lifestyle stick with you. Years of working dinner service still to this day keeps me on a late night schedule, though I’d love to be more of a morning person.

I don’t feel it as much as I did in the months immediately after leaving the restaurant, but I do occasionally remark on the novelty of being out on a Saturday night; I even feel a slight twinge of guilt knowing I might be enjoying a holiday while my comrades are deep in the trenches. As we enter what many cooks refer to as ‘the season’ – October through December – I still get a vague sense of uneasiness although my schedule now is fairly regimented and predictable.

NR: I also wanted to ask about your role at ICE. What exactly does a “Creative Director” do? How does the methodology of teaching differ in a school environment from an apprenticeship in the kitchen?

ML: There are many criticisms that are being hurled at culinary schools these days: high costs, lack of necessary repetition of basic skills, and failure to imprint realistic expectations of the industry. I think it’s difficult to generalize the efficacy of formal culinary education, because so much depends upon the individual – his or her level of experience prior to school, their goals upon leaving, and how they use the available resources while in that learning environment. It is true that a cooking school might not be for everyone, just as it is probably true that one might not be exposed to a broader set of fundamental skills apprenticing in a specialized environment in the ‘real world’.

I never went the route of culinary school, but I do value what that environment of immersion can offer someone who might still be developing that passion for cooking. What I like most about this profession is that the educational process never really stops; one can never know everything. The structured environment of a school, plus all of the additional opportunities and support that comes with it, can help young cooks navigate their first tentative steps in the industry. Again, at the end of the day, it’s how the individual uses the experience. Hard work and desire are necessary, no matter which path is followed.

As a chef running a modest pastry kitchen, with a revolving roster of stagiaires and externs included in the mix, I have considered myself a teacher of sorts for some time. What is different now is the opportunity to slow things up and really get into some of the underlying aspects of cooking that I didn’t previously have time for. It’s also been nice to circle back to some of the classics, especially being able to see them through the set of ‘modernist’ ideals that I’ve worked with in recent years.

One of my favorite tasks is giving a lecture on dairy products to shiny new pastry students on the second day of their 100-lesson program. Though I’m throwing a ton of technical information at them, the purpose at this early stage isn’t necessarily to make them memorize the exact composition and structure of milk, but rather to inspire the students to begin thinking about ingredients and recipes and techniques in a way they probably haven’t before – with equal measures of curiosity and respect.

NR: Lastly, in the “Is Food Art?” discussion, you talk about the idea of “creation” as part of retaining memory. You mentioned creating an apple dessert that referenced a cider-and-doughnut-eating experience you had as a child. Can you elaborate on that? For as long as I can remember, my mother has told me about eating apple ice cream at a HoJo once. (I’d like to emphasize that this only happened ONCE.) Every time someone mentions Howard Johnson (either word), ice cream, apple, road trip… anything that triggers that memory, she goes through this revelry. Somehow, when you related your story about the cider and doughnuts, I was reminded of this…

ML: I had never really mined the depths of the psychology or physiology of our human desire for sweet things before a discussion I shared with GQ columnist Alan Richman a few years ago. Nor had I ever considered my own personal connection to sugar. Alan posed the rather vague and daunting question, “What is the essence of dessert?” I’m not really sure that even he knew what kind of answer he was looking for. After some introspection, I noticed that the desire for sweet things is rooted deep within our psyche: the physiological, the emotional, and a sometimes ineffable sense of pure pleasure (both the hidden, guilty side, and of a sharing, celebratory nature).

Out of all this thinking I had a revelation of sorts, that pastry chefs are really just hustlers in what I call the ‘nostalgia business’. Though savory cooks might retain a capacity to tell stories through their dishes, with sweetness we tap directly into our own DNA. From birth, we’re hard-wired with a taste for sweet. Just when we might otherwise mature beyond that physiological trigger, the desire manifests itself in the realm of emotion. With sweetness we begin to associate comfort, pleasure, reward, envy, and guilt. Everyone has their own personal Proustian madeleine that lights up some fragment of sense memory, and I find my work as a pastry chef, no matter how refined, is a potential portal to one’s own childhood. A sense of responsibility surfaced with this realization, but so too did a renewed sense of play and exploration; I enjoy the challenge of interweaving those nostalgic elements in ways that might not be obvious. Each dessert must have broad democratic appeal, but a true ‘dialog’ emerges when an element of a dish tickles the guest in some ineffable way.

From the moment of birth, we seek our nourishment and comfort in the rich, sweetened form of mother’s milk; it is indeed the only taste we know in our early months (years later as adults, we’re hard pressed to identify our attraction to creamy crème brulee and quivering spoonfuls of fragrant panna cotta. Eventually our sense of taste becomes considerably more complex as the sources of our sustenance widen, but I find it interesting that for us humans, the desire for sweet endures. Personal nostalgia will vary by culture, country, region, or generation. It can be triggered by a freshly baked pie like Grandma used to make, or it may come in the form of mass produced junk food (I’m convinced that all pastry chefs have, consciously or not, tried to recreate a Snickers bar in some way or another). These associations remain through adulthood. Playing to this inner child, for a pastry chef, can initiate the creation of something new; the context of such nostalgia, especially unexpected in a fine dining environment heightens such playfulness.

Apart from the calories, we surely don’t rely on our intake of sweets; our nutrients come in the form of “real food”. While cultures differ in their dessert traditions, virtually all incorporate some form of sugar as the conventional end of a meal, or as a “street food”, or even in a ceremonial or ritualistic way. As Valentine’s Day approaches, we can also ponder the role of candies in courtship. Is it coincidence that we consider chocolate an aphrodisiac? Do we not use the word ‘sweet’ to refer to a kind and lovely person?

As adults we enjoy desserts simply for the pure pleasure of it, though it is often accompanied by a sense of guilt. For some, the bigger and more decadent the better – we still see desserts with ominous names like “Death By Chocolate”. Openly indulging these fat and sugar bombs seem to dramatize the guilt as an ironic cry for help, or to boast to others how many sessions on the treadmill it will take to absolve that sin. And even in a culture obsessed with fad diets that pays lip service to a desire for “healthy” desserts, in practice, most pastry chefs agree that chocolate outsells such desserts two to one. We’re in an age where pastry chefs are increasingly striving to create desserts that are “unsweet” (as opposed to simply “less sweet”!), sometimes successfully and sometimes not. I think it’s always important to remember that it all begins with sugar.

A very personal expression of the Proustian madeleine, the combination of spiced cider and warm doughnuts activates my own sense memory. This dessert calls to mind an early autumn Sunday at a cider mill in my native Michigan. The damp chill in the air, the early sunset, the smell of hay and fermenting apples, the crunch of fallen leaves underfoot. In my memory, that combination of tastes draped me in a thick wooly blanket of happy simplicity. To those guests who’ve enjoyed my refined interpretation of that in a fine dining setting, it’s served under the guise of sophisticated elegance and seasonality, with a wink and a nod from behind the kitchen door.

Another case in point: the tres leches-inspired dessert we added to our menu at Le Bernardin.  It was born in conversation with Jesus, one of our youngest cooks in the pastry kitchen. On the surface, it was simply an exercise; how do we refine and transform a rather pedestrian dessert into something worthy of a four-star restaurant? What new techniques can we apply to the original concept? Once manipulated, how do we maintain that reference back to the classic, with or, preferably, without an overblown sense of irony? So before we did anything, we made the original version, without bells and whistles.

As we tucked into the wet, spongy tres leches, I asked Jesus how it made him feel. Born and raised in the Bronx, he made frequent visits to his grandmother in Mexico as a child. It took a lot of coaxing, but Jesus eventually, shyly began to describe every memory connected to the tres leches his grandmother would buy from the bakery in her small town. He remembered her plates and sitting at her kitchen table. Visiting the shop itself was part of the ritual, so he also began to recall the sweet smells and even the color of its walls. “That,” I said, “is what we’re trying to do!”

No matter how much we add our clever contemporary spin, through technique or ingredients, that nostalgia is what we’re trying to access. No matter the age of our guests, whether six years old, or sixty, the potential in tapping those memories can be powerful.

 

When not on the dance floor, Nico Rosario splits her time between writing about pop culture, making mix-tapes, and Easy Jetsetting.

 

by Anya Regelin

 

“Would you hurry up in there?” a voice said from outside the bathroom door followed by a loud banging.

“Just a minute,” I said for the third time flushed the toilet with my black clog.

Crumpled toilet paper was on the floor, used paper towels spilled out of the trashcan, and a slippery mist of white powder covered everything. On the shelf over the sink sat three yellow, mutilated boxes of Argo cornstarch. On the front of each box, hovering over each cartoon Indian woman’s head, someone had scrawled with a black Sharpie: Bart’s Balls. Bill’s Balls. Devons’ Duds. It was hot on the line and the boys, well, they suffered.

Again, pounding.

“Okay!” I yelled, and turned on the sink while clutching a paper towel. It was early in the night; there was still soap.

In this sleekly designed three-star restaurant, every detail was carefully considered except when it came to the back of the house.  There, the entire uniformed staff shared one washroom. Chefs, cooks, dishwashers, porters, captains, front-waiters, back-waiters, runners: we all had to stand on line.

I looked in the mirror and stared back at my pale face. Make-up was a no-no in the kitchen.

“Do it,” I said out loud, and cringed.

Do it was the buzz phrase running though the kitchen that week. It was initiated by Devon, the sous-chef, and was barked at overwhelmed cooks, complaining servers, and bored dish guys alike. It was a constant source of amusement to Mark, our Chef. When I said it, I felt awkward and plastic.

I swung open the door and glared at the blue shirted captain holding his toothbrush in his fist.

This wasn’t your typical cramped New York City restaurant kitchen. The space was wide open with sprawling stainless steel, white walls, ample low boys, and huge walk-in refrigerators. Across the kitchen and directly facing the washroom was the pastry area, where I worked. In the center of the kitchen, in front of two rows of face-to-face Viking ranges and four sweating cooks, was “the pass” where the Chef stood and orchestrated our night.

“Ordering: two Jon Dory, swiss chard, spring peas, followed by one baby lamb, butt-nut, fingerling,” called Mark. “Johnny, what the hell are you doing back there, I’m waiting on two guineas– you’re holding everyone up!”

“They’re resting Chef,” Johnny yelled back from his twelve-burner station, “two minutes.”

“You’re resting, Johnny, you are resting. Waiting on two guinea-hens!” he called again.

“DO IT!” Devon yelled from garde manger where he was demonstrating a perfectly plated foie torchone to Tony.

“Yes Chef!” Johnny said.

If Mark was in a good mood, we were in a good mood, but if he was in a bad mood we avoided all eye contact.

“DOWN!” yelled a runner, flying down the stairs from the dining room. He heaved the heavy tray on his shoulder and yelled “UP!” and ran out the door and up the stairs to expectant diners.

There were six of us pastry cooks, the only girls in the kitchen. Identical in our starched white jackets and pulled back hair, we had each developed a strong persona: the bitch, the martyr, the party-girl slut, the annoying little sister, and the “just-one-of-the-guys” best friend. It was my first two months and I kept my head down and I came off as aloof. Quickly, I became known as the stuck-up girl, though really, I was the uncomfortable girl. Before entering the elite restaurant world, I had visions of trips to the farmers market, heirloom blah-blah-blah, and hushed intellectual conversations of taste and texture. But this wasn’t art, it was the army, and I was having a hard time fitting into the club.

It was Sunday, and that night we were on a slow rolling wave. Lisa (the bitch) and I had our hands in a large, clear, plastic tub filled with cold water and a case of pomegranates. As we silently picked, seeds floated to the bottom, the pith to the top. In the morning, the day cooks would make sorbet from the juice. But for tonight, this was our Zen task, something to do while we waited for the next round of tickets to come flowing in.

Our machine came to life and spit out a single order.

“Guess what?” Lisa said, turning her head around to look at the order ticket without taking her hands out of the water.

“Ordering a donuts,” I said, sighing, and drying my hands on the blue towel that hung from my apron.

After a review earlier that month in The New York Times, we became known for our donuts. Cinnamon brioche and chocolate glazed; there were three of each on a plate lined up like little soldiers with donut hole caps on their heads. They were freshly made to order, smelled delicious, and were really, really cute. Almost every table ordered them, and they were quickly becoming the bane of my existence.

I carefully lowered the fry basket of raw donut dough into the hot oil and turned back to the jeweled seeds.

The line was in full force and Mark roared over the clamor.

“Are you guys still drunk out there? Order, fire, pick-up: tuna, frisse, add truffles, one more jew-chokes. two all day.”

Jew-chokes? I thought, turning the phrase over and over in my head. Jerusalem Artichokes. I looked up and smiled when I got it, and accidentally caught his eye. I blushed, he smirked, and I quickly looked down and kept picking.

“DO IT!” Devon yelled from inside one of the walk-ins.

Choruses of “Yes Chefs” gurgled from the line.

“Your donuts,” Lisa reminded me.

I pulled the basket out of the hot oil.

Burnt.

I showed the fryer basket to Lisa and she rolled her eyes. The delicate chocolate donuts had not only overcooked, but had also burst open, floating in the oil like a bunch of cracked, brown turds. I dropped in a new order, and was about to throw the ruined ones out when inspiration hit. I took two of the chocolate donuts, wrapped them in a paper towel, put them in my apron. No one was on line for the washroom. The savory side of the kitchen was fully slammed with everyone hovering over their stations cranking out food.

“Can you finish this these donuts?” I asked Lisa.

I ducked into the washroom and lay one of the donuts on the edge of the toilet seat. I put the other on the floor right beside the toilet, and kicked a piece of crumpled toilet paper next to it. I stood back to survey the scene: subtle, authentic, and completely gross. Quickly, I walked back to our station.

“Did you just …” Lisa started to ask, fighting back giggles.

“I did! Don’t laugh!”

Our ticket machine started buzzing. Lisa called out orders and we got busy. Tony walked off his station and went into the washroom. Not even five seconds later, he walked out, wide eyed.

A minute later, we heard “DOWN,” and a blue-shirted front waiter clomped down the stairwell, across the kitchen, and straight into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Our ticket machine was going crazy. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bart, the vegetable guy walk off his station, untie his apron, and get on line for the bathroom. One of the porters emerged from the dish room and stood behind Bart. The waiter was still in there.

One order was rolling in after another, and I was trying to follow the action at the other end of the kitchen without losing it completely.

The door flew open.

“It wasn’t me,” she announced, emerging with a fresh coat of lipstick on. “UP!” she yelled, running upstairs.

Bart walked in, and then walked right out.

“It wasn’t her?” he said, loudly.

“Na, man, I saw it there too,” Tony yelled from his station.

“Chef!” Bart said, and walked over to talk to Mark in close conference.

“What the fuck, fucking animals,” Mark said, “Devon! Where’s my fucking sous-chef? I need a sous-chef here!”

Devon was pulled off the meat line where he was berating Johnny, comparing him to a weak little boy, wondering how he can get a woman in bed if he can’t sear a little piece of thymus gland right.

Lisa and I were trying hard to keep it together.

Mark and Devon had disappeared while the guys from the line were taking turns walking in and out of the bathroom, dramatically tying their dishrags around their mouths and accusing each other of the offense. When Mark and Devon reappeared, they were in full dishwasher cowboy regalia with elbow length rubber gloves, long plastic aprons, and blue rags tied over their faces. Devon was armed with a spray bottle and a hose, Mark with a broomstick.

“Animals!” Mark yelled, bending over, trying to nudge the turd off the side of the bowl with his broomstick.

“Do it Cheffie,” Devon yelled back, “DO IT!”

All of a sudden, the action stopped and they looked over at us, faces red, no sign of amusement.

“You?” Mark said to Lisa.

“No,” she said, saucing a plate, wiping tears from her eyes, and jutting her chin out at me. “Her.”

I was in the middle of about fourteen things, but I could feel myself freezing up.

Mark walked toward me, his arm outstretched, holding the donuts, which didn’t look much like turds anymore. I started to panic, wondering what in the world had possessed me. Was I so desperate to be one of the guys that I had stooped to potty humor?

“Well,” he said, “I guess you gotta shit with the crew to be part of the club.”

From that point on I was known as the Donut Girl, which I embraced, because hey, it could have been worse.

Anya Regelin has cooked professionally for the past 13 years. She currently chefs for private clients while working on her MFA in Creative Non-Fiction at The New School.